Over the past 12 years of life coaching I have recognised a general rule about our energy states: we are either in need of Comfort, Nurture or Action.


We need comfort when we feel overstretched, defeated, unhappy or overwhelmed. This is when we need to just admit it and allow ourselves to stop and get comforted. Most times we will have to adminster the comfort ourselves but sometimes we can request a loved-one to help. (“OK all, Mummy’s having a strike day!”)

If you are in this state a really good first step is either to go to bed or lie on the sofa with a blanket and your favourite drink beside you. Some might call it wallowing, I call it ‘nursing’. It is vital that you feel looked after in these situations. You haven’t got a hope of recovering quickly unless you do. So go for it! The more you allow yourself to baby yourself the more you will feel you can move on to the next step.


Nuture is after comfort. Where comfort is passive, nurture is more active. Now you might make a lovely soup for yourself, take yourself on a walk, phone a friend, play the piano etc.

Once you have experienced Comfort and Nurture then the inevitable result is that you will feel ready for…


To paraphrase, Julia Cameron, if you allow yourself to be looked after then your inner child will allow you to do that tax return or make that business phone call. Action is happiest when your comfort and nurture quotient is high. If it is not, then the actions you take will feel forced and hard – precipitating the need for you to get comforted again. (If you don’t conciously stop yourself then your body will make you – sending you to bed with the flu for example).

So learn to ready the signs. If you get adept at listening to your needs, no matter what hits you, you will recover far quicker than if you ignore them.

4 Responses to Comfort-Nurture-Action

  1. Pingback: The power of comfort | My Happiness Experiment

  2. Pingback: The power of comfort | My Happiness Experiment

  3. Pingback: On the shoulders of my friends | My Happiness Experiment

  4. Pingback: On the shoulders of my friends | My Happiness Experiment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *