Letter to my past self

Dear me from 10 years ago,

This is your Future Self speaking. You are about 3 months away from making a very big decision. One that will significantly alter your life.

How should I describe you? Baffled? Searching? Hopeful yet exasperated? Your children are 2 and 4 years old. The participants in your workshops are enthusiastic. You are desperate to have your children’s book ‘The Teasers’ published. You have secured a great agent but no publishers are biting. You wish you had more time to write. You wish your husband was less stressed and around more – physically and emotionally. You’re proud that you’ve been a non-smoker now for 4 years. You are keenly aware (did your past self tell you, I wonder?) that you should enjoy every last minute with your children at this precious stage of their lives – and so you do (mostly). You cannot believe your luck that the Universe shut one door (having your own children) and opened this massive, bejewelled  door to a hitherto unseen magical kingdom (adopting Julia and Sasha). You sense there’s more – much more –  to come but you don’t know what it is.

Dear past me from 10 years ago. I felt you today. As if you came into my skin and looked around our life now. You cried. I cried. We both cried. How wonderful this place we’ve come to is! You hardly dare believe it. I can hear you in my head saying:

“You mean you’re living in this beautiful place in the Cotswolds with all it’s hills, valleys and gorgeous villages? You mean the children are thriving at a school they adore with friends and teachers who equally adore them? You mean that you’re all bouncing with excitement at the prospect of spending a whole month together in Singapore, New Zealand and Australia in December? You mean you’ve taken a break from the writing and you’re utterly OK about that – in fact you’re thrilled with your current path? You mean you’ve developed your own program and it’s going from strength to strength? You mean Guy is calling the shots more at work and is master of his time again? Is it true that 6 years ago you dreamed of owning a Lexus hybrid SUV and next weekend you’re going to buy it! Do those kind of things happen? And I can’t believe how grounded, content and excited-by-life you feel! Is that possible?”

Dear past me from 10 years ago. Yes it’s possible.

You are about to make a momentus decision – to move from a great life in Canada back to England. And why? Only because “it feels right”. You have no other defense when your concerned Canadian friends ask you for an explanation.

Did you perhaps feel me calling you?

 

 

6 Responses to Letter to my past self

  1. very cool to read this T – I am trying to figure out…is your future self, of your 10 years ago self, actually your current self looking back ten years, or your just past current self, current future self? These realities fold into themselves like Russian Dolls, and love the idea of this kind of writing…

  2. I have so much writing from 10 years ago, that momentus time in your life, was also a momentus time in mine, it would be a powerful exercise for my future self, to send a letter to my past self…from that time!!

  3. Yes I was reminded this week that 10 years ago Guy and I were driving a friend to house-sit in Gaucin. She moved from Scotland to Spain in effect from then and is ever more marvellous so that’s 2 v cool friends who made a giant leap. Me too, as I was pregnant with Anna – on the threshold of a deep life change. Bravo past present and future selves – I salute you xxx

  4. I found this very moving to read… because it’s very easy to overlook what it takes to make ‘big’ decisions, like leaving Canada, epecially when you only have a hunch it’s the right thing to do! x

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