Tripping up

Mixed emotions today. I woke up this morning determined to bring a new kind of seriousnes to my business practices. I would wake early, do my morning writing and an hour’s work before getting the children ready for school. Then, I would work every morning from Monday to Thursday, not allowing any kind of interruption. Seemed like a good plan – still does in many ways – but what came with this determination was also the lurking spectre of self-flagellation. I had been lax. I hadn’t brought enough weighty intention to my business dealings. I should act more professionally. I should ‘show some oomph’ as my mother used to say.

It was my friend Kelly who caught this, in a conversation we had later. All good, she said in a nutshell, but didn’t it all seem rather heavy? Er, …yes. Great catch Kelly. I got quite emotional as I cottoned on to the extent to which I had been building up a massive expectation to come up with THE answer – to know how to write THE killer workbook, to attract OODLES of new clients and interest in Future Self Now. In short I had got distracted by the long range whilst forgetting about what there is to do right now under my nose.

This reminds me of a video I saw this week that uses that classic gag in old black and white movies where a character trips up on an obstacle because he’s too focused on what’s in the distance …with painful consequences. Here’s the video – made by a man protesting about dangerous bus lanes in New York.

So, I’m off to bed now, thankfully being a lot less hard on myself and having trained my focus back to the here and now.



Including it all

Yesterday I took my son Sasha, to the local sports shop for a momentus event. Because his birthday is so close to Christmas he had accumulated a large sum of money which he wanted to invest in a top notch scooter. We went, he made his choice and now, a few inches taller, he took it home and unboxed it.

No matter what we did, it wouldn’t fit together properly.

We called Guy on Skype and showed him what we’d done but he had no more clues than we did. Poor Sasha – what a disappointment after all that build up! I would have to take it back to the shop – a right pain, as it meant adjusting other plans.

Over our Christmas break in Wales, I read an article, (sorry I can’t find it for the life of me to pass it on!), which talked about the importance of  ‘including’ all our experiences. What this means is taking an unexpected event, like a brand new broken scooter, for instance, and, instead of resisting it, allowing it in. It’s not that we have to agree with it, it’s just that we can save ourselves a lot of wasted energy if we don’t bother fighting it, defending ourselves or otherwise railing against it: “It’s here so I will include it”.

I find this very powerful. It feels different to ‘going with the flow’ which can feel passive I think. ‘Including’ something has more of the air of choice about it – of conscious action.

I included Sasha’s scooter into my experience and we now have a replacement one sitting in the hall, having been put through its paces on the driveway. This experience, in a small way, has become part of the tapestry of these past two days instead of the energetic equivalent of a pulled stitch.

I think this ‘including’ thing will stick with me now. It certainly seems to make for a lot smoother ride.

Nature’s Way or My Way?

Today I’ve been contemplating my business and the whole dilemma of when to concentrate on marketing and when to just be in the pure creative flow of it. This is a well-known conundrum for artists too, I know: when to promote yourself and when to just be in the zone and draw/paint/write etc. for the love of it.

I’d love it if I had hundreds  of people following my blog and on waiting lists for my workshops. My Future Self says I will one day, but in the meantime I feel strongly I need to trust and let things reveal themselves to me in their own sweet time.

I’m reminded that we don’t stand over a newly planted seed, arms crossed, grumbling, “Well, come on you bugger, grow!” We can only water it, expose it to light, wait and trust.

Oh, but how strong is the urge to hurry things along! Where does this need for speed come from? In a way knowing our Future Selves can exacerbate this: “I now know for sure what’s possible, I know this is Me, so bring it on!”

One great mantra that really helps me is:

“There will be a beautiful unfolding here today”

When I remember to live my day that way it’s almost magical how things do always seem to work out fine – even when I think something had ostensibly ‘gone wrong’. For instance: a client is late and in that time I manage to catch a colleague just before a meeting that,  it turns out,  I need to give some input to. That sort of thing. It’s as if someone knows the big picture and exactly whats needed and, if we’re willing to be their puppet, everything will work out beautifully!!

The natural order of things is well-being. We are hard-wired for it. If we hurt ourselves or become ill, our body’s instinct is to heal itself. Every living thing wants to grow  and thrive – it’s a primal instinct that is inate in all of us. And if we allow it, growth will come, at exactly the right time – as long as we don’t get in our own way.

My childhood favourite - Passion Flowers

So this is my uplifter for today – to remember the seed and let the gorgeous flower of my career bloom in all the magnificent ways it wants to, without me trying to second guess it!